Monday, July 25, 2011

Crying on the way to work can sometimes be a good thing

"Father give me the strength to be everything I am called to be."

From the time time that I was very young, I have felt that I am being called to do something big with my life. Not only have I felt this, but so have others around me. One of the Christian men I respect the most told me after a sermon he was preaching that God had told him repeatedly that "God is calling you (me) to the nations." I am ashamed to say that when I heard this, a couple years ago now, I did nothing about it. In fact, I completely ignored it after that day. I did not seek out the Lord and ask him to uncover his plan for my life to me. I did not ask him what I should do to prepare for what he has in store for me. I regret that because I no longer get the strong, frequent "feelings" about what is in store for me.
I have learned the hard way that the longer you ignore the Lord, by not talking to him and ignoring when he speaks to you, the less you hear him and the harder it is to speak to him when you get ready to again. 

When I was up in my college town last week for orientation, my mom and I stayed with an old friend that she and my dad knew when they lived across the street about 20 years ago. When I got back to her house Sunday night after hanging out with Boyfriend, they were watching church on t.v. I sat down with them and was quickly drawn in to the story being told in the sermon. A man who was raised Muslim was the speaker. He spoke of how there was this feeling of doubt and questions and hunger for "more" placed in him from the time that he was very little. He went on to tell of being prayed for by someone in college, and later being prayed for again and being filled with the joy of The Lord. He said that everything looked brighter and greener and better. He said he was so joyous, he wanted to tell everyone about what he was feeling and why, and that is when it hit me. My throat tightened and my eyes burned because I have felt that exact thing before. Remembering how amazing it felt and wondering how I could have let it go was enough for me to get up and go to a different room. And then I was filled with peace because I knew that the Lord had me watch the television program for a reason. Then I was on my way to work today, and having done pretty much nothing since that night watching that sermon, a song came on the radio and I started to cry and chills covered my arms and legs. I knew that it was the Lord speaking to me again, regardless of the fact that I had ignored him yet again when he spoke to me last week. So although it is difficult to speak to anyone you haven't spoke to in a long time, God being no exception, I am going to challenge myself. I know for a fact that my mom has a habit of talking to God on her way to work in the mornings and I think that is great. Kinda like how I pull my belly button back to my spinal cord like they say to do in pilate's at red lights and hold it until it's green. Why not use your driving time for more than just singing along to whiney pop songs? Two birds with one stone, man. As for the being called to do something big, which I know I am, I'll be taking baby steps. If I am supposed to go to Africa and love on babies there, so be it. However, I don't think I'll be leaving next week or anything. One thing at a time. 

I'm tired of feeling fuzzy and, not us such a cliche, empty. And I know that the problem is not "summer allergies", "not enough sleep", etc. 

Pray with me? 

Love, C

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